Saturday, July 23, 2011


I do not "enjoy" my job so I am not saying this intending for anyone to be impressed or interested. I am, at the moment, a retail floor planner for a major drug store chain. In my initial excitement of actually being employed, I paid close attention to the lineal space allocations for each department.

I'm sure you understand that space allowance depends on sales and that depends on the location of the store and it's average customer. Cosmetics is, by far, allotted the most space in the best location in every store. The pain/sleep department also caught my attention. "I have pain. I want to sleep." Pain/sleep can take up from 18' to much as 30' and that... is pretty much the length of one side of an aisle.

People have pain... people want to sleep.

Like any creative self-medicator I have fussed with my formula for years trying to get it just right. I've tried chamomile tea, Tylonal PM, NyQuil, a healthy diet and exercise and, of course, bottles of various kinds of liquor.

I'm a pretty typical Gen-X girl. I have my cell phone, Ipass laptop, Ipod, GPS, efficiency cooking appliances, etc. I want to be able to wake up and go to sleep with the ease and convenience of everything else in my life. Results. Now. Though my body is vintage, c.1980 (ahem), it is an ancient technology. It is not responding as needed. I need to be able to sleep immediately and then wake up if my son calls, when my alarm goes off... if someone comes into my room or if there is something more dangerous in my head that I need to get away from. Something... spiritual or subconscious... untouchable... is wrong.

I have these nightmares. I had them as a child. They were usually about being eaten alive by bugs. I watched them, in a panic, tunneling into my skin, but as a teen the pests went away. In my early twenties they were about being attacked and abused by men... I'm sure I was a delight to sleep next to. I stopped sleeping. They started again when my son was seven weeks old and I chose to be a single mother. They are about all sorts of things now, but usually natural disasters and living a post apocalyptic life.

It's embarrassing when I have a friend in the passenger side. I had a friend who would sing to me... a crooner. Another who would leave... a Nazi. Another who would restrain me so that I couldn't get up and wander... he's too fresh for classification.

Lately my sleeping has been irregular... too deep... too light... no sleep... nightmares... no dreams... odd dreams and lovely vivid dreams... dreams so sweet that I am Éponine Thénardier... finding solace in saccharine.

Haha theatrics.

Anyway. This will be my sleep log because I like lists as much as I like rambling. My informal sleep study.

* I am literally running through the streets of a city. I'm very serious and intent, but not crying. I'm going from church to church... of any and every religion and praying... on my knees with my hands on my heart. I have no idea what I was praying about, but I was very sure of myself in my dream. In reality I have been resolved in my Atheism for 18 years.

* Again I am in a city, but this time walking on a sidewalk holding my son's hand. We are dressed casually. There are other people but it's not overly crowded and the city sounds are muffled in the background. I ask him if he likes it here and he says yes. We turn a corner and go down some steps, but this part I am watching from behind myself and then we are gone.

*I dream of this guy I'll spare you the dirty details... it's too hard to write about, but he is a total douche... anyway there are bats too. They fly at my head... maybe I need to wash my hair more? Gonna wash that man right outta my hair... oh yes...South Pacific. How is that for proudly waving a big dork flag?

Monday, July 11, 2011

Skin Care for the Apocalypse

I have a borderline addiction to beauty products and makeup. I follow the releases of new collections and read reviews. I buy buy buy like a good little girl, but with skin care I wanted to try something different. I wanted to go all natural. I wanted to use products that are inexpensive, easily obtained and multipurpose.

This is what I am doing at the moment and it appears to be slowly creating a balance in my skin and removing impurities.

Extra Virgin Olive Oil
- cleansing oil
Apple cider vinegar
- Toner
Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay
- facial mask
Manuka Honey
- spot treatment
- hydration

My goal is to get by on waterproof eyeliner and mascara when I move to Austin or in the event of an apocalypse. I'm open to suggestions.